you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
