I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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