i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
