did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There r osticjed everywhere
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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