Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize