my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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