He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
