Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Drunk is not a location!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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