So gin and wine won't be happening again
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
