really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you inspire me to be a worse person
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
