when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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