A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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