Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
