Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
