Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
