you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
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