i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
