My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
