She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
