Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
