Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
