i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
