so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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