I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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