This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
