Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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