Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
