I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize