The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
