I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
