rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
