Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
