Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
A bitchslap is in order.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
