my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
