I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize