So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
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having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
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Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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