I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
