Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
