My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
