I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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