alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
