dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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