Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
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I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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