Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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