Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
