How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
whose parrot is this?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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