i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
