GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
