so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
