Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
