you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
