I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Success! We fucked roommates!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
