If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize