I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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