apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
