ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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