My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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