How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
